I'll admit it. I'm scared. Who wouldn't be? Getting married is not something that can be taken lightly. I firmly believe that marriage is a battlefield. Not that I am going to war against my wife... but against anyone who might try to interfere with our relationship. There are a number of things that can cause relationship stress, and marital breakdowns.
First and foremost, as a Christian, I believe in the existence of the devil. And he is against my marriage, because my marriage is a gift from God Almighty. And as with all good things that God gives us, the devil intends to pervert and destroy my marriage. So I have to have my eyes opened and my battle plan in place.
Second, there is ourselves. Each partner in a marriage has expectations, hopes, needs and desires. And we tend to look to each other for fulfillment of at least some of those desires. And that is fair. God can meet all our needs, but He uses humans to do so in many cases. And He will use our spouse in many ways to meet those needs/desires. When people use the platitude "God will supply all my needs, I don't need anyone" they are simplifying and denying our human nature. (If I need a kiss, can I really pucker my lips and expect the air around me to comfort me with the warmth and tenderness that a human could provide?)
Third, there is our pasts. We have all been traumatized, mistreated, and shaped negatively by our own childhood experiences. Even our experiences in adulthood go a long way to shaping who we are. If we have not received healing from those experiences, they may come out in weird unexpected and hurtful ways towards our spouse.
Fourth, there is our families. Pressure from parents, overbearing mothers, unaccepting fathers, and so on. And will our broken relationships with our siblings affect our relationship with our spouse? You'd better believe it!
I could continue on to list more factors, but they all come down to one thing. Have you been guarding your heart? Is your heart ready to be broken, ripped from your chest, and put back in a different shape than it used to be in?
"The two shall become one flesh." If you imagine this literally, it is pretty gross. But I imagine it like we are two "rocks" that are moving closer together, to fuse into one bigger, stronger, healthier rock. (What's a healthy rock, anyways? That's not the point... ignore that part of the analogy and stick with me.) The rocks are jagged and pointy, and even a little brittle. And as they get closer together, in order to make the fit "tighter" there are a lot of pieces that need to be broken off. The shape of the original rock has to be modified in order for it to better "fit" its partner rock. In the end, that rock will be mightier than the sum of its parts, but there is a breaking process that has to take place.
And that is a little scary. I'm scared. I look at the divorce rate in the world, and it terrifies me to think that the odds of any couple divorcing are greater than those of that couple staying married for life. The world has become a more self-centered place. A less gritty place. When things get tough, and when things don't go "my way" then it's time to move on. When things get less exciting, a little more mundane, then our hearts get restless and consider moving on.
Scary. But God has not given me a spirit of fear. He has given me a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. Love it. Love Him!
This blog entry did not go in the direction I had hoped it would... so I will end my "thoughts" here and start a new post about my original intention.
Pray for me, please. Thanks everyone. (When I say I'm scared, don't worry -- I'm not in panic mode, and I don't have cold feet! I'm just being thoughtful and careful and trying to stay realistic. I'm really looking forward to marriage!)
2 comments:
It's going to be great, Trev! Two people who love the Lord as you do is a great combo:-) We don't even let the "D" word cross our lips (with regard to our marriage) :-) We have seen many marriages end in divorce around us lately....however very very few (can only think of one actually...and in that case one partner was wandering spiritually) have been from people who are fully committed to the Lord. We know and are thankful that God has His hand in our marriage. And I know God will do the same for your marriage. Marriage is a great blessing. Not perfect all the time, but is still a blessing and gift from God. I'm excited for you as you begin to experience this gift:-)
Love and prayers from Christina :-)
Just remember that Jesus goes to battle for us. He has already won! Victory is ours to claim. Our God is not one of statistics. Don't let them scare you. Our God is a saving and powerful God who is able to overcome even the most discouraging odds. He is not concerned with out past other than it bringing us closer to Him. He has placed us in our earthly families (shortcomings and all) to teach us to love as He does. He has demonstrated self sacrifice in it's perfect form. If you keep your eyes and focus on becoming more like Him and loving self sacrificially as He does, everything else falls into place. Is it easy? Not always. Is it a battle? Sure. But it's His battle and we can relax and enjoy the journey because He has done the work. I find that when struggles come up in marriage, they are always handled through prayer. The Lord amazingly works things out for me. I rarely even have to speak up. Take issues to Him first. Trust that He can speak to your wife just as clearly as you can. And trust me... walking daily with the Lord never becomes mundane. Almost ten years later and things have yet to "settle down" for us. We enjoy the ride. Think of it less as a battle and more as an adventure. Adventures have battles in them, but overall, they are amazingly fun and full of learning and exploring! I pray you and your new bride are infinitely blessed in your new life together. Lavish, cherish and forgive one another without hesitation all the days of your life! My husband and I learned a great motto while we were in Missions Training School. We need to have a "But God" mentality in our life... (Like this: "Marriages tend to become stagnant after seven years".... BUT GOD... is doing a new work each day. Or, "We'll never be able to afford to buy a home in Southern California"... BUT GOD... is our provider!) So when you face trials, remember "BUT GOD!" Blessings!
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