A Little Poll

Some of you might know that Japanese people like to compare foreigners they know to celebrities. Every foreigner "looks like" some Hollywood actor, musician, or athlete. So here are the three men I have been compared to since arriving in Japan. By far the most common is this man:

Pardon me, but I do not see this one at all. People say the "eyes and nose" bear an uncanny resemblance. I'm not upset that people compare me to Nicolas Cage, or even that they call me "Cage" (sounds like the Japanese name "Keiji")... but I do NOT think I look like him at all.

The next man up is...

I see this one a little more. One day, a student of mine said, "I went to the movies last weekend and I saw you!" I thought to myself, "Funny, I never went to the movies, I stayed home all weekend!" So she said, "I was sure you were in Ocean's Eleven." Sure enough, some months later when I saw it on DVD, I was surprised to see "me" on the screen. He does look like me, does he not? I think this picture bears quite a resemblance to me! So when people say I look like Andy Garcia, I do not look surprised or bewildered. Even I would say there is an uncanny resemblance there.

And then there is the most recent one:

Who is he, you might wonder? He is Dev Patel (not to be mistaken with my childhood friend, Dave Patel), star of the 2008 movie Slumdog Millionaire. It was first mentioned by a non-Japanese... in fact, my own cousin, who said that Trevor circa high school (1990s) looked a lot like him. But then I actually watched the movie at school with all my students (550+ students)... and during the showing, they often looked back at me and pointed to the screen and said "Toreba?" Then one of my wife's friends mentioned it on Facebook earlier today... so yeah, I guess he's the newest candidate! (Not only is he Indian, but he is of the same tribe as my dad -- Gujarati!) I cannot say I look exactly like him (or vice versa) but I do see a resemblance.

So the question I pose to you is: which Hollywood celebrity do I most resemble?
a) Nicolas Cage
b) Andy Garcia
c) Dev Patel
d) other: _________________

Your cooperation in this scientific investigation is much appreciated.

Amused by Little Things

Sometimes, song titles line up in a funny way to create puns or clever "sentences" like these:

Bonus points if you can name the bands who sing these songs! (#4 and #13 are the same group)

Cars - The Conclusion (I hope!)

Alright, so here is the process I underwent to change my license plate from this

to this (for privacy reasons, I am not including my actual license plate #):

1) Get a parking ticket by accidentally leaving your car on the wrong side of the apartment block.

2) Report said ticket to the police, which takes around 45 minutes of paperwork.

3) Be told that an Okinawa license plate is illegal if I am no longer a resident of Okinawa.

4) Pay the parking ticket (at the post office, of all places).

5) Ask the landlords for the "proof of parking space" forms.

6) Pay them a large sum just for the forms.

7) Take the forms to the police station, fill in more forms.

8) Pay them a moderate sum for processing fees.

9) Return to the police station in a week to collect the proof of parking sticker for your car.

10) Pay them a small sum for picking up the form.

11) Go to city office and get a record of your previous addresses.

12) Pay them a small sum for that record.

13) Go to the department of motorized vehicles.

14) Go to Building 1, Teller #4, for instructions on how to proceed.

15) Go to Building 2, Teller #13, collect necessary papers.

16) Pay them a tiny fee for the papers.

17) Proceed to Teller #14, collect more papers.

18) Pay them a small fee for... I'm not sure what.

19) Go back to Building 1, Teller #4, for instructions on how to fill out the papers.

20) Fill out the papers, submit them, and wait.

21) Collect the papers, and go back to Building 2, Teller #11, for more papers.

22) Collect papers, borrow a screwdriver.

23) Go back to your car, remove your old license plates.

24) Go back to Teller 11, return screwdriver and turn in old plates.

25) Go back to Building 1, Teller #4, with completed paperwork.

26) Go back to Building 2, Teller #16, fill in more paperwork.

27) Go to Teller #12, pick up new plates.

28) Pay them a moderate fee for the new plates.

29) Go to Teller #11, borrow the screwdriver again.

30) Put on the new plates.

31) Wait for one of their men to affix the safety screw cover (see left side of picture 2).

32) Give him the screwdriver.

33) Congratulations, you may now drive legally in Kobe!

Of course, if I had parked properly, I could have avoided steps 1-4. But without that parking violation and the ensuing ticket, I would have never known that I had been breaking the law all along!

And so my car adventures come to an end... for now! Hopefully my blog will have more new posts about something other than motorized vehicles soon!

Me, Japan, and Cars... AGAIN

So it seems as though my blog has turned into a "why having a car in Japan can be super frustrating" blog. But really, that is not what I want it to be.

Still, this one relates to the one I wrote about my parking ticket. When I went to pay the ticket, I was told that I technically was breaking the law by driving my car while still having an Okinawa license plate. What? I didn't know that! So I have been waiting for various paperwork to arrive before I can apply for a change of address at Japan's version of the DMV. Finally, I have all the paperwork I need.

Or so I thought. I called the DMV and asked them, and they said I need a copy of my proof of residence in Japan, which includes my previous address. (The one on my car registration.) The proof of residence has my current address and my previous address on it (the address I had two months ago, before getting married). Problem: the address on my car registration is 3 addresses before that one, which means it is not recorded on the proof of residence paper. So how am I to get papers showing all 4 places I have lived since I had my car registered? That's what I need, just to change my license plate. It is not enough that my car registration has the old address and that my current ID has my current address. That would make things simple. And in Japan, when it comes to paperwork, simple does not suffice.

So the headache continues. (Sarcastic rant begins here. "For those of you back in North America who think the Japanese are super efficient, think again. No country in the world puts out as much paperwork as this one, no country's labor force puts in as much overtime as this one, and trust me, there is plenty of inefficient work happening in this country. I won't go into details about how many labor hours were wasted today at a certain company I know, but let's just say they could have done a lot more with their collective 90 hours of discussing... what was it about again? Yes, today was a frustrating, 'Trying to find a reason to love this country' kind of day." End rant.)

More Car Woes

I suppose I should be thankful that I have not had any car accidents yet while living in Japan. But after the parking ticket debacle from the other day (see previous post), I really did not need what happened yesterday. Here's how things unfolded:

I got off work around 4:45 and went to my car to drive home. I love driving to and from work now. Driving home to an apartment where someone is waiting for me, someone will greet me, and I can spend time with my best friend and wife, WOW! The drive home is one of anticipation.

But this day, I was not able to drive home right away. I pulled my car out of its spot, and started to make the 3-point turn to head back towards home. Music on, I hit the gas pedal but the car didn't feel right. Immediately I knew what it was: flat tire.

I got out of the car, and sure enough, from driver's side tire was completely flat. So I pulled over to get out of others' way, and changed the tire. My spare was a little flat too, but I didn't notice that. Anyways, 30 minutes later, dirty suit and hands and all, I drove off, hoping to find a gas station that could help me fix my tire.

So I wheeled into a gas station and the guy said, "No, I can't help you... we only do gas, and it's only self-serve." So he pointed me to another gas station down the road. They checked my tire and told me, "Your tire is damaged as such that it cannot be repaired. It needs to be replaced."

Great. So now the ¥1,000 I was hoping to get away with would turn into at least ¥7,000 or more. Not happy. "So, how much will it cost?" I asked them. "Well, it depends on the quality of tire. But we do not have any tires in your size here." And with that, they pointed me to a car shop down the road.

So anyhow, now I have to drive another 10 minutes to that shop on my spare tire. But whatever. I'm just getting hungry and a little frustrated is all. So I get to the next garage, and they tell me, "Well, you had all-weather (studless) tires on your car, and if you change only one tire, your car will be off-balance. You need to change all 4." So NOW I'm thinking, this is nuts. It's not like the tires on my car were bad at all! But I had to get rid of them after having bought them just 18 months prior?

Overall damage: I'd rather not say, but let's just say I ended up paying a little more than I had originally anticipated. It's not like I severely punctured the one tire, or that I did it on purpose, or that there was any major impact that caused the puncture.

So defeated, I drove home. I talked to my wife as I left the garage, and she could tell I was feeling down. Her voice was very sympathetic, and she said she would start making dinner. Ah, what a comfort. Dinner. Someone is cooking dinner for me. What a treat! So I started to lift my countenance, thinking, it's not all bad. I'm still alive. Maybe the new tires are a good thing. And God will turn this all into a blessing in the end.

So I get home, and start to back my car into my tiny parking stall. Not parking spot, but parking stall. And just as I have every day for the past 20 or so, I backed in with extreme care. Still, I felt like I was a little too close to the edge. And when I got out of my car, sure enough, I had scratched the back of the car a little. ARGH. Frustrated, I stood up to get in my car and position it a little better. CLANG. I banged my head before getting in my car, tears starting to well up in my eyes.

But the blessing is that I got perspective. It's just money, and in a few months, I'll forget that I had to put new tires on my car because the parking lot at school is not adequately paved. It'll all be in the past.

Still, this month has not been a happy one for my car.

Oh, Japan...

I'll be honest with you. I need encouragement these days. Especially about living in Japan. There are just so many things that are on my mind right now, and I cannot share them all, but I will say that the strictness in this country sometimes drives me crazy.

We are renting an apartment but we cannot even put up a calendar or family (or wedding) pictures on the wall, because we are not allowed "to put holes in the walls." So the whole place is white-walled right now, and while that isn't all that bad, I wish we could put more things up. Sigh.
The other one is what happened to me last week... one careless mistake, one small parking violation, and my "perfect record" is blemished for 8 years. That is crazy. If you live in Japan, you know how hard it is to drive 8 years without accidents or violations, too.


Ah well, I am here, I guess I ought to make the best of it. And the good news is that my ¥15,000 fine for parking in the wrong place, it will go to the country's national treasury, which will then go towards rebuilding northeastern Japan (where the tsunami and nuclear plant meltdowns occurred). So my bad parking job is serving as a way to "make" me contribute. I don't mind that part of it.

Happy things

As I took the steering wheel in my hands, something felt different. Oh, hello wedding band! I remember now as my ring finger (along with my entire left hand) grips the wheel, that I am driving for two now. More responsibility, yes. But more joy when driving, for sure!

When my cell phone rings and her name now shows up with my family name attached to it, I tend to do double-takes. First, because of the above (a new addition to the Raichura family). Second, because the name that used to be in kanji is now in English. Weird, a little. Comforting and exciting, absolutely!

Life is beautiful

In the past 10 days, I have:
- Had dinner with my whole family (plus a few relatives) for the first time in over 5 years
- Moved from a small, one-bedroom apartment into a much more spacious three-bedroom one
- Gotten married to an amazing, wonderful, beautiful woman
- Traveled to a tropical island, where a typical day included sitting on the beach sipping tasty drinks and eating gourmet food
- Completed the required work for my MA in TESOL, thereby completing nearly 3 years of work

Life is going GREAT!

Preparing for Battle

This is a busy time for me. I am getting married in less than 8 weeks. I am finishing up grad school. I am house shopping. Which means packing, too. I am working full-time. I am also just trying to live, you know? Anyways... since I finished most of my grad school requirements last May, I took a break from studying, but picked up on a different type of studying: marriage preparation.

Here is a look at some of the books I have read (or am reading) and my thoughts on each:

The Five Love Languages -- by Dr. Gary Chapman

I read this book last spring. I first was interested in this book when I was dealing with family relationships 4-5 years ago. I then read this book in Japanese (愛を伝える５つの方法）, sort of at the same time as my fiancee did. I cannot say enough about this book, really... I love it! Very eye-opening about the importance of recognizing how we ought to express love, and how we best receive it from others. Good not just for marriage, but for almost any relationship that you want to see increase in its love.

101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged -- by H. Norman Wright

I actually bought two copies of this one, because it is more of a "workbook" where there is space to write answers to the questions. There are a good number of important questions in here that will help you see if you are compatible with your partner. It is more about knowing who YOU are, and being able to open yourself up more completely to your partner, before agreeing to spend the rest of your lives together. There are a few repeat questions (seem almost the same) and some that you will find irrelevant to your own situation, and there are also some that are hard to answer (either because it's hard to put into words, or because you don't want to admit to your weaknesses). But it's really good to help prepare you for the next stage. (Note: My fiancee and I never got through the book in time... I proposed before we reached question 10... and we're still working through it slowly... we're on question 70 or so, and hope to finish before saying "I do!" But no worries... we have been very open with each other, and there are no big surprises left to be revealed, if that makes sense.)

Sacred Marriage -- by Gary Thomas

This one is probably the best that I have read so far. It asks a lot of hard question, shares a lot of wise insights, and turns marriage on its head. Look no further than its sub-title: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy, more than to make us happy?" This book was probably the least "scary" and the most "encouraging" of the ones I have read so far. Oh, it challenged me to change my thinking and my actions, but it has not made me feel like marriage is impossible or prone to failure upon failure. Thomas does a great job of setting us straight, highlighting the different ways that marriage will change our character and make us more into the likeness of Jesus Christ.

His Needs, Her Needs -- by Willard F. Harley Jr.

This one talks about the five most prominent needs that men have in marriage, and the five that tend to be more important to women. For him, sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. For her, affection, conversation, honestly and openness, financial support, and family commitment. Some of those needs overlap, and they are not 100% gospel, but from a man's perspective, I can see some truth in this. Anyhow, one thing that bugged me about this book is that it tended to have too many stories of broken marriages in which infidelity was an issue. Now, he is being realistic, but as a soon-to-be-married man, it was kind of discouraging to hear an author talk about how affairs are quite commonplace. He was not condoning them, mind you. I guess I didn't need to hear what he had to say when he said it (that is, when I read it). But one concept I liked from this book: he talked about how every person that you know has a "love bank account" in your heart. Based on your encounters with them, they can either make deposits or withdrawals. And that will sort of determine where you are at with each other. A kind word, a gift, a good joke will make a deposit. A harsh word, a toilet lid left up, ignoring the kids will make a withdrawal. Too many withdrawals, and you will no longer have the largest account in your spouse's heart. Interesting.

The Christ-Centered Marriage -- by Neil T. Anderson

I am in the middle of this one still. It is decent... it talks a lot about how you need to free yourself from any spiritual bondage in your life before dealing with marital issues. Often the "marital problems" are just extensions of individual issues that have not been dealt with. The jury's still out on this one, as I have only finished reading five of fourteen chapters. And when that one's done...

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together -- by Mark & Grace Driscoll

This is one I have on order. It just came out earlier this month. I got the DVD in the mail today. (You can see that from the pic -- figured I would post a pic of myself for the first time since fall.) Anyhow, Mark Driscoll is one of the pastors I respect the most. He speaks truth, harsh truth even, relevant truth, but with love. When I heard he was writing a marriage book with his wife, I knew I wanted it. Should be a good one. Apparently it was the top "Self-Help" book on the NY Times Bestseller list. Not bad for a Christian author in a country where Christianity is so out of vogue!



So there you have it, folks! If you have any books that you think I should read, or if you have any thoughts on any of these books, feel free to share them with me! I'm thinking of reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. Is it any good???

Fear Factor

I'll admit it. I'm scared. Who wouldn't be? Getting married is not something that can be taken lightly. I firmly believe that marriage is a battlefield. Not that I am going to war against my wife... but against anyone who might try to interfere with our relationship. There are a number of things that can cause relationship stress, and marital breakdowns.

First and foremost, as a Christian, I believe in the existence of the devil. And he is against my marriage, because my marriage is a gift from God Almighty. And as with all good things that God gives us, the devil intends to pervert and destroy my marriage. So I have to have my eyes opened and my battle plan in place.

Second, there is ourselves. Each partner in a marriage has expectations, hopes, needs and desires. And we tend to look to each other for fulfillment of at least some of those desires. And that is fair. God can meet all our needs, but He uses humans to do so in many cases. And He will use our spouse in many ways to meet those needs/desires. When people use the platitude "God will supply all my needs, I don't need anyone" they are simplifying and denying our human nature. (If I need a kiss, can I really pucker my lips and expect the air around me to comfort me with the warmth and tenderness that a human could provide?)

Third, there is our pasts. We have all been traumatized, mistreated, and shaped negatively by our own childhood experiences. Even our experiences in adulthood go a long way to shaping who we are. If we have not received healing from those experiences, they may come out in weird unexpected and hurtful ways towards our spouse.

Fourth, there is our families. Pressure from parents, overbearing mothers, unaccepting fathers, and so on. And will our broken relationships with our siblings affect our relationship with our spouse? You'd better believe it!

I could continue on to list more factors, but they all come down to one thing. Have you been guarding your heart? Is your heart ready to be broken, ripped from your chest, and put back in a different shape than it used to be in?

"The two shall become one flesh." If you imagine this literally, it is pretty gross. But I imagine it like we are two "rocks" that are moving closer together, to fuse into one bigger, stronger, healthier rock. (What's a healthy rock, anyways? That's not the point... ignore that part of the analogy and stick with me.) The rocks are jagged and pointy, and even a little brittle. And as they get closer together, in order to make the fit "tighter" there are a lot of pieces that need to be broken off. The shape of the original rock has to be modified in order for it to better "fit" its partner rock. In the end, that rock will be mightier than the sum of its parts, but there is a breaking process that has to take place.

And that is a little scary. I'm scared. I look at the divorce rate in the world, and it terrifies me to think that the odds of any couple divorcing are greater than those of that couple staying married for life. The world has become a more self-centered place. A less gritty place. When things get tough, and when things don't go "my way" then it's time to move on. When things get less exciting, a little more mundane, then our hearts get restless and consider moving on.

Scary. But God has not given me a spirit of fear. He has given me a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. Love it. Love Him!

This blog entry did not go in the direction I had hoped it would... so I will end my "thoughts" here and start a new post about my original intention.

Pray for me, please. Thanks everyone. (When I say I'm scared, don't worry -- I'm not in panic mode, and I don't have cold feet! I'm just being thoughtful and careful and trying to stay realistic. I'm really looking forward to marriage!)